Staying faithful

Mark 14:32-36

Jesus Prays in Gethsemane

They went to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be distressed and agitated. And he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake.” And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. He said, “Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want.”

Being faithful

is exhausting

Weighing up the cost 

of commitment

and change

when loss seems 

more prevalent than gain

Balancing the books

of uncertainty and agitation

with tentative peace

Not much of a relief

but  some kind of resolution

around which

life can begin to flow 

Like a sandbank in a river

Still there

but navigable

But the energy it takes

just to get that far

never mind what’s next

necessitates withdrawal

lying low

taking time

to reclaim 

all that has been eroded

in the struggle 

to be faithful

and to remain available

to possibility.

Healing

may creep in slowly

not to anaesthetise the pain

but to massage and soothe

so that tenderness

openness

and sensitivity

remain the foundation

of future growth

and continued faithfulness.