Fears, tears and breath

When sorrow is too deep for tears

When its more of an ache deep inside

When its something that catches in the windpipe and refuses to go any further, allowing neither release nor relief

When there's a burning behind the eyes, that makes the cheekbones hurt and temples throb

That's grief.

Grief promulgated by disappointment and the searing pain of hurt - the kind one only experiences in the betrayal of friends, in the dissolution of trust.

Its a grief that cannot be integrated as other griefs might, accepted as a part of the cost of life and of love. Its edges are far too jagged to be buffed down and held close. 

Its not natural as loss is natural.

The element of betrayal just doesn't allow a coming to terms.

The disciples knew this grief.

The grief of losing something that held such promise and brought such pain.

The risen Lord appeared beside them and breathed into that grief.

Showed them a way forward - out of their locked room into a whole new enterprise.

Praying for just a whiff of that same Spirit.