Unless I see…

 John 20:24-25

Jesus and Thomas

But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

Where were you Thomas?

Were you the one elected to pick up supplies?

Or did you slip out, unobserved, 

to try and catch the word on the street

to gauge whether it was safe to come out?

Or did you just need to get out of there for a while

Away from the noise

And the recriminations

The what-ifs and the should-haves

Away from the aural processors

To be alone with your grief and loss and regret

Alone with your dashed hopes

and self recrimination

You were right to doubt the story that greeted you on your return

You were right to assert your need 

to see your risen Lord

to touch his wounded flesh

After all that had happened 

you needed to see for yourself

There was no space in your grief for hope

You couldn’t afford to be that hurt again

No more living on second hand stories

No more metaphor and mystery

This was a time, if ever there was

for raw, messy, vulnerable reality

Nothing less would do.

I’m glad you doubted, Thomas

Glad, too, that you got your moment

to touch that wounded flesh

and to meet your risen Lord 

To see and believe 

To be able to proclaim

MY Lord and MY God.

May I be as honest in my doubting

As clear about my need

And know transformation in the wounds of Christ today.

(Liz Crumlish 2022)