There’s a woman in the pulpit

Mark 14:9

Truly I tell you, wherever the good news is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in remembrance of her.”

“Do you have a desire to preach?” The question posed by 11  men seated around a manse lounge as they explored with me my sense of vocation to full time ministry in the church. “Do you have a desire to preach?”

My voice left me that night - both literally and metaphorically. I was unable to answer affirmatively the one question that mattered to them. 

This was not the first time and, sadly, would not be the last time I was silenced by men.

Now, some 30 years on, despite going forward for selection without their blessing, I dare to call myself a preacher! A preacher in a great long line of women who preach. Women who take the Word, give it flesh, embody and share it wherever life takes them. Be it in Zumba class or belly dancing, in the supermarket or nursery. In the pub or coffee shop, school or shipyard. Sometimes, even, in the pulpit. Occasionally with words, more often in action.

Standing on the shoulders of a great line of mouthy women, women like:

Sarah

Hagar

Shiphrah

Puah

Hulda 

Deborah

Vashti

Esther

Ruth

Mary

Martha

Photene

Phoebe

Dorcas

Julie

Kathryn

Amy

Rachel

Sally-Lodge

... And countless others who have persisted in finding their voice and enabling others to do so too so that, history becomes herstory as the word is spoken and lived out wherever it needs to be seen and heard (Everywhere!)  

I give thanks for those women who discovered their desire to preach, not as defined by men, but as a response to the action of God in all of life and I take my place in that company, beloved of God today. 

The Lord restores my soul

 

He heals and reintegrates my broken depths in his eternal life

Reflecting today on Dallas Willard’s paraphrase of “He restores my soul” from Psalm 23. (Life Without Lack; Thomas Nelson 2019)

He heals and reintegrates my broken depths in his eternal life

There are days when it feels

as though I am fragmented

So many pieces of myself

being given

in so many directions 

And not all who demand

are careful with the pieces offered

or appreciative of the gift received

Yet to withhold

would diminish me

And, after a while

I am left

to gather up the discarded shards

and try to fit them together

to make a whole

But as I sit there

with my complex jigsaw puzzle

I become aware

of God

at my shoulder

Isn’t that always the way

when we’re trying to complete a jigsaw

that someone will appear

to help or advise

But God just stands beside me

not interfering

or directing

just patiently 

and companionably waiting

until I’m satisfied

that all the pieces are slotted 

back into place

albeit that some are now

a bit tarnished

a bit rough round the edges

God waits

And I feel God’s hand in mine

as I smooth my hands over

the incomplete picture

and as I poke my fingers

where pieces are missing

And God does not join me

in a frantic search

to recover the missing pieces

or to fill in the gaps 

God continues to sit with me

gazing in love

at a less than pristine picture

that shows all the signs

of wounds 

and scars

gaping holes

toned down hues

that once were vibrant

and even some still shiny fragments

and in God’s loving gaze

I am reminded

I am loved

just the way I am

and in God’s eyes

all of those pieces

speak of a journey

into wholeness

accompanied by the rhythm

of the beating heart of God

And when I sit back

and listen

I hear God whisper

and know

I am enough 

(Liz Crumlish 2019)

All day long

Psalms 25:4-5
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all day long.

Lord, I long to know your ways

to be so attuned to your heartbeat

so caught up in your rhythm

that I can sense

your perfect timing

and move

with your pulse.

Let me be content

to stay close

to nestle in

to be still

but always alert

to the slightest breath of change

that signals

that the time has come

to follow your lead

into pastures new.

And, still tucked into your side

embracing all that you have taught me this far

may I follow your love

that dwells deep within me

a secret love

that has been growing

in volume

and in passion

a beguiling love

that can no longer be denied

but must be embraced

with all that I have 

when you signal

that the time is right.

May I know the joy of surrender

the wonder of abandonment

that comes

from hearing your call

and following your lead 

wholeheartedly

with no reserve

assured

that courage

and compassion

are the graces that you share

for a new season

and a new dance

held still in your caress.

Tagging along

Luke 8:1-3
Some Women Accompany Jesus
Soon afterwards he went on through cities and villages, proclaiming and bringing the good news of the kingdom of God. The twelve were with him, as well as some women who had been cured of evil spirits and infirmities: Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out, and Joanna, the wife of Herod’s steward Chuza, and Susanna, and many others, who provided for them out of their resources.

I wonder what those women brought to the party

- apart from funding

How did they influence the shenanigans

of men on tour?

Did they bring a level of propriety?

Or did they incite profanity?

Did they use their hard earned resilience

to give as good as they got?

Did they counter the men’s competitive banter

with talk of scars

and stretch marks

and menstrual cycles?

Did they soften the hard edges

of impulsive idealism

with the love and compassion

of mothers 

who know what it is

to struggle and fight 

to birth new life

Did their witness

mingle with Jesus’ teaching

to ameliorate the harshness of  life

and bring a glimmer of hope

that change was possible

not just for men who moved in the right circles

but for all regardless of status.

I like to imagine

that the women changed the conversation

and opened up new possibilities

of life in abundance.

Another Threshold?

Revisiting a couple of posts from 5 years ago - when there was the opportunity for change. Wondering if, in the light of Brexit division, we can ever recapture that sense of hope and possibility?

On the Sunday before the Referendum for Scottish Independance:

Genesis 12:1-3

The Call of Abram

​ Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

Reflecting on the Call of Abram and the covenant God makes with him.

Abram was a man who didn't have any answers as to what the future held but you would never have known that from his actions. He caught the scent of a promise of a better future and stepped out boldly. His actions shaped history for a whole people.

If Scotland elects to leave the UK next Thursday in the Referendum, perhaps, in our quest for a better Nation, we are not abandoning our neighbours in the rest of the UK to the ravages of unjust policies and ineffective politicians or to further decline and a widening gap between the rich and the poor (as have been just some of the accusations made),perhaps we are not abandoning our neighbours.

Perhaps we are leading them, by our example, into the conviction that there is another way, that we can make a difference, that things can be other than they are at present and that our communities, our Nation and our world can be a better place, where all are valued for who they are, where all are afforded opportunity, where wealth and resources are shared, even if that costs some of us a bit more.

What if our calling is not to fear the unknown (and, at this stage, an independent Scotland is very much an unknown) but, believing in a better future for all God's people, to lead the way to make that future a reality? To model a future that others will want to follow and, by our example, will be inspired to pursue?

That old Scots saying "Better the devil you know" serves to keep us sticking with less than we might encounter simply because we fear the unknown. Conventional wisdom urges us not to become foreigners, not to give up all that to which  we can already lay claim.

Abram modelled a response to God's call that took him from certainty to uncertainty, from a familiar landscape to unknown territory,from tentative options to bold faith. What if this is our time to do the same?

And, on the day after the Referendum: 

As the sun rose on the day after the Referendum

I made my way to the beach.

Not all the results had been declared

But it was clear that dreams of an Independent Scotland

were not to be realised 

My heart was heavy

My spirit subdued.

But as I trudged along the sand

the stillness of an unseasonably warm autumn morning

bathed my soul

as surely as the ebbing tide

bathed the shore.

The sense of the Creator's presence all around-

In the sun creeping over the horizon

In the waves gently lapping the sand

In the quiet and the calm

reminded me

that grief too is a part of life

and broken dreams

are preceded by the spirit of hope.

Hope that cannot be snuffed out

but that continues to burn.

And when part of the dream dies

or is extinguished

the flicker that is left

must work harder

to illuminate the darkness. 

We are not defeated.

People of all hues

The yes and the no

have glimpsed the promised land

albeit from different perspectives.

It is now that, together,

they can step out in faith

to claim that promise

for themselves

and for generations to come.

Hope has not died

but has been rekindled

in ways we would never have imagined.

The fight is not over

but has only just begun.

All is not lost

and there is everything to gain.

And the tasks of grieving

for those who mourn involves 

acknowledging the dream

that we have lost,

gathering up the passion

that remains,

Moving on with renewed energy

and new friendships

to achieve that promised land

that we envisaged

where all are valued,

and where we share resources

with the poor and the vulnerable.

Together we can fan the flicker

of our wavering hope

into the flame

of love and justice

and peace in our land.

We have it in us

to realise the dream 

The work has only just begun.

(Liz Crumlish 19th September 2014)

Reconciling love

Matthew 5:21-24
“You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.

Lord, when I am tempted

to consider my virtues

rather than my vices

When I can readily take stock

of the good that  I do

conveniently overlooking

all the opportunities I miss

Remind me of your call

to reconcile

to restore

to repair

And break down

my walls of complacency

and my tendency to spin favourably

the difference I make

while completely forgetting

the harsh judgments I pronounce

in an instant

- the ways I consign others

to categories that confine

that leave no room for growth

or for change

and especially not

for redemption

Bring me back to you

so that, with the assurance 

of your encircling love

I may find compassion

for self and others

With the knowledge of your acceptance

may I expand my horizons

until the lines that I draw

are obliterated

by the incoming tide

of your grace

And, as I meet you at the altar

and feed on your abundance

may that love food

nourish every encounter

inform every decision

and sustain the flourishing

that is your will

for all of creation.

Thresholds, Gateways and Margins

Jeremiah 7:1-7
The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: Stand in the gate of the Lord’s house, and proclaim there this word, and say, Hear the word of the Lord, all you people of Judah, you that enter these gates to worship the Lord. Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: Amend your ways and your doings, and let me dwell with you in this place. Do not trust in these deceptive words: “This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord.”
For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another, if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt, then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land 
that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.

Prophets

Willing to speak truth to power

Willing to call out injustice

Willing to draw attention

to the plight of those on the margins

whose voices are not heard 

and whose cries go unheeded 

Accomplices of Poets

who describe

and prescribe

a better way

Who put into words 

a vision of inclusion 

A vision in which nothing

is right side up

and where influence is found

in the least and the last

Alongside Dreamers

who remind us

that transformation is possible

for those who believe

who reimagine

a future

that is not yet

but will be.

An unholy Trinity

those three

Prophets, Poets, Dreamers, 

who mark out the thresholds

and stand in gateways

and remind us of the margins

where the rejects and the outcasts

and all whom we exclude

gather together in hope

and in certainty of the knowledge

that God’s favour rests

on those who are overlooked

Prophets, Poets and Dreamers

showing us where and how

the Kingdom of God is

in every place and time.

God’s eye view

Matthew 6:22-23
“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light; but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

I imagined I’d made progress

when I could look within

and see wholeness

made up of dark and light

and love all of it

I imagined maturity consisted

of making friends

with the imperfections

even when they choose

on occasion

(or frequently)

to be exhibitionist.

I imagined that,

as I cut myself some slack,

I afforded the same to others

Yet all the while

I was making humility

a badge of honour!

And inviting huge disappointment.

I’m still not very good at it

- but now I know

(though I’ll always be tentative)

there is more.

Going deeper involves

getting down and dirty with God

plumbing depths

that only God

as creator

has fathomed

and invites us to inhabit

(now and again)

to connect fully

with that spark 

of the Divine

that God places in each of us

A spark waiting to be released

into dazzling light

as we become

all that God intended.

And more - 

as we connect 

with that divine spark in others.

Prayerful space

 Luke 6:12-13
Now during those days he went out to the mountain to pray; and he spent the night in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose twelve of them, whom he also named apostles.

Giving thanks today

for time spent in prayer

Snatched moments on the morning commute

on the station platform

or the standing room only carriage

Or long walks along the beach

leaning into the wind

and dodging the surf

when the spray infuses our tears.

Or in a space set apart

that beckons any and all

to rest and rage

and listen

and be still.

Giving thanks

for the presence of God

in all of those spaces

and more

and for friends

willing to sit with us

to walk with us

to wrestle alongside us

and to help us live into

the fullness of life

to which God calls.

Body of Christ

Rachel Held Evans, in Searching for Sunday,  describes talking about church as “attempting to explain the most important, complicated, beautiful, and heart-wrenching relationship of my life...without yelling or crying or saying any cuss words.” 

Lord, when we cannot stand it any longer

When we refuse to keep going back for more

More hurt

More rejection

More disappointment

You don’t help us find a way out

You compel us 

to make things different

You challenge us

to be ourselves

Not compliant

Not resigned

But persistent

Because we know 

we are called to be

in relationship

with you

and with each other.

So you keep on 

nudging us back

You keep on

teaching us how to compromise

You keep on

reminding us

that we don’t have all the answers

You keep on

showing us

that you hurt

when we are hurt

that you are diminished

when we withdraw

And you don’t let go.

So help us

to head back into the fray

knowing that just as we are not perfect

neither is your church

But we are called 

to stick it out

as far as we can

as much as we can

Because, alongside us

you share our frustration

For you too were rejected

You too became an outsider

You too were a disappointment

Yet you never stopped loving

You never stopped caring

And you never gave up hope

Lord, give us the strength

to stick with

faith, hope and love.

Generosity and call

Luke 5:8-11
But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For he and all who were with him were amazed at the catch of fish that they had taken; and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching people.” When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.

Leaving everything

That’s some commitment

Leaving everything

That’s a step too far

Leaving everything

For what?

A leap into the unknown

where nothing is guaranteed?

- even though there’s no reason to question

the generosity already shown.

Do not be afraid?

I don’t think so!

Not when your call

disrupts and disturbs

and brings to light

all that we lack

 - the depths of our unworthiness

-/the shallowness of our trust

- even transferable skills!

I’ll just sit here in the boat

and listen

I’m no Simon 

I’ll lend you my boat 

I’ll even get my toes wet

but no swimming for me

Yet even as I protest

Even as I make my half hearted response

You are waiting on the beach

as though you have all the time in the world

your arms are open wide

there’s a smile on your face

And I just know

I’m about to get in 

way above my head.

Thanks, Lord.

Dredging the heart

Psalms 139:23
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.

God, you alone know my heart

Motivations

Longings

Desires

Hopes I dare not speak

for fear of being ridiculed

or rebuked

or rejected

God, you alone know my heart

What sets me on fire

What extinguishes the spirit

God you alone know my heart

The bit I wear on my sleeve

for others to see

The parts I’m happy to risk being out there

God, you alone know my heart

The deep hidden mystery

so hard to access

shoved so far down

for protection

God, you alone know my heart

Dredge with me its  depths

clearing away the detritus

that prevents me from risk

reassuring me

that whatever emerges

will not take me beyond your love

God, you alone know my heart

Help me to know it myself

so that I can be all that you want me to be

Freed to live abundantly

in the circle of your knowledge

and of your love.