Spooning with God

Song of Songs 2:4

He brought me to the banqueting house, 
and his intention toward me was love.

I’ve always loved Julian of Norwich, one of the first writers I encountered who brought into focus, for me, a mothering God and a feminine Christ. Last year I had the opportunity, while visiting a clergy colleague in Norwich Diocese, to receive mass in her cell and, often, since then, as I’ve revisited that experience and read again some of her writings, I’m aware of a deep longing in me to have that intimacy with God that allowed her to see far beyond the binary notions that we so often attribute to the Trinity. The intimacy was not merely in her head or in her visions but a whole body, whole life experience.

I’ve always been pretty restless in my Rule of Life. After a time, I inevitably become bored with specific spiritual practices and have to revise and revisit. And that’s not about avoidance but about being as vigorous and as vital in connecting with God and creation as possible. In my prayer time and space I desire much more than a head and heart connection if I am to be strengthened to withstand the vagaries of working in an angst filled institution. I need a deep sense and source of calm that I can embody as I seek to be a loving non anxious presence in the midst of the loss and yearning and sometimes rage that afflicts the church at present. Visualisation plays a big part in that. If I can recall the sensation of sitting back to back with Jesus, like two kids in a play park, or imagine the Spirit enjoying sitting on the swings next to me, or snuggling up, spooning with God, my body a familiar fit in God’s embrace, there is always a place for me to run when I feel the challenge and weight of expectations and confrontation becoming oppressive. And, while that prayer time in and of itself is sacred, so too are those moments when I can briefly retreat and recapture the intimacy that God offers. God’s intention is love. So often, our conventional ways of accessing that love create distance rather than intimacy. Indeed, intimacy has become repressed. Today, I give thanks for saints like Mother Julian who gave us a new way to speak of and to relate to God with all our senses and who draw us once more into intimacy with God and all of creation.