Spooning with God

Song of Songs 2:4

He brought me to the banqueting house, 
and his intention toward me was love.

I’ve always loved Julian of Norwich, one of the first writers I encountered who brought into focus, for me, a mothering God and a feminine Christ. Last year I had the opportunity, while visiting a clergy colleague in Norwich Diocese, to receive mass in her cell and, often, since then, as I’ve revisited that experience and read again some of her writings, I’m aware of a deep longing in me to have that intimacy with God that allowed her to see far beyond the binary notions that we so often attribute to the Trinity. The intimacy was not merely in her head or in her visions but a whole body, whole life experience.

I’ve always been pretty restless in my Rule of Life. After a time, I inevitably become bored with specific spiritual practices and have to revise and revisit. And that’s not about avoidance but about being as vigorous and as vital in connecting with God and creation as possible. In my prayer time and space I desire much more than a head and heart connection if I am to be strengthened to withstand the vagaries of working in an angst filled institution. I need a deep sense and source of calm that I can embody as I seek to be a loving non anxious presence in the midst of the loss and yearning and sometimes rage that afflicts the church at present. Visualisation plays a big part in that. If I can recall the sensation of sitting back to back with Jesus, like two kids in a play park, or imagine the Spirit enjoying sitting on the swings next to me, or snuggling up, spooning with God, my body a familiar fit in God’s embrace, there is always a place for me to run when I feel the challenge and weight of expectations and confrontation becoming oppressive. And, while that prayer time in and of itself is sacred, so too are those moments when I can briefly retreat and recapture the intimacy that God offers. God’s intention is love. So often, our conventional ways of accessing that love create distance rather than intimacy. Indeed, intimacy has become repressed. Today, I give thanks for saints like Mother Julian who gave us a new way to speak of and to relate to God with all our senses and who draw us once more into intimacy with God and all of creation.

Running away

Genesis 16:7-8
The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, slave-girl of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?”...

Where have you come from?

And where are you going?

And what about this moment?

What, in this encounter, might make sense

of what has gone before

not explaining

not diminishing

but simply holding

the cup that has passed.

And what might enable

the unpacking of insight

unconsciously accumulated along the way

to bear witness to the future?

What vessel

might withstand

the anguish

and the searching

the sifting through

of hurt and disillusionment 

and be able

not only to hold

but contain

and in the containing

create space

for wisdom

to emerge?

What might hold

the tears and the rage

that will chart a course

to the healing and wholeness

that seems so remote at present

yet remains

a dream worth pursuing?
Where have you come from?
And where are you going?
And where, along the way, 
have you encountered
the disturbing Spirit of God?

Keeping it real

When our children were small, they had a favourite CD of nursery rhymes that they played seemingly non stop in the car. One of the rhymes was Humpty Dumpty - but it was an edited version, with a verse added that said:

Humpty Dumpty counted to 10

Humpty Dumpty got up again

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Were happy to see him together again.

I didn’t like that the producers of that nursery rhyme collection gave Humpty Dumpty a happy ending. Because that simply is not real life!

Not all broken things can be fixed.

There may be the possibility of transformation through brokenness but that is not guaranteed and certainly not without a lot of painstaking work.

There are some in the church at present who seem to prefer tinkering with truth and editing the facts to secure a happy ending rather than engage with the real possibility that the church, as an institution, is broken.

And, until the systems that contribute to that brokenness are addressed, there will be no transformation. Addressing those systems, however, is hard work and resurrection is not guaranteed. So we just keep on patching things - and people - up and expecting them to achieve different results. And we do that by distracting ourselves with doing what we know rather than questioning how, together, we might be different. 

It may be easier to sweep the broken pieces under the rug - radical change and healing demand courage and are not for the faint hearted but the pain and the cost of denial have been borne for too long, their scattered debris testimony to our tendency to take the easy way out. It is time to align ourselves with Christ who sits and weeps amidst the brokenness while holding in his hands the shards of hope.

Pray without ceasing

Psalms 8:1

O Lord, our Sovereign,

how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Lord, sometimes I wish the disciples

had not asked: “Lord, teach us to pray.”

For the prayer you gave

has become, for many,

the gold standard,

the winning formula,

inhibiting imagination

and creativity,

spontaneity

and downright exuberance!

And, while I  recognise

the need, (perhaps),

for a community recitation,

I so want for others

a 360 approach and experience

of prayer.

To recognise in their sharp intake of breath

at the beauty of a sunset

or their sense of awe

at the wonder of creation

the vestige of a prayer.

To know that when we text one another

good thoughts and encouragements

therein lies prayer.

To be convinced that

in each sigh of peace

or wail of anguish

your being is summoned

And that all of these,

along with our formal incantations

align us with you, our Sovereign

whose name is majestic in all the earth.

All the broken things

A reflection inspired by using a broken chalice to share in the Eucharist.

God you must have quite a pile by now

of bits and chips and discards

among which you take your place

surrounded 

by splinters and fragments 

some still sharp 

with the potential for harm 

some worn smooth

by years of caress

You wept at their breaking

and, when others had moved on

you quietly gathered up the pieces

even though there was

and still is

potential for harm.

You sit among those broken pieces 

recalling the stories

of pain and loss

of hopelessness and despair

of weariness and indifference

You sit

among them.

and resist the urge to repair

that is within your divine gift.

You sit among them

knowing that the brokenness you see

may never be fixed

but may be transformed

by the power of love.

You sit with broken things

for you too were broken 

and you offer your brokenness

for our healing

and your love

for our transforming.

Dancing with God

Rublev’s Icon of the Holy Trinity

An offering for Trinity Sunday

In the beginning

God gathered God’s self together

to create the universe

Fashioning with goodness the sky

with its galaxies and constellations

its suns and moons

its  light and darkness.

And there was some fun and mischief along the way

as God messed about with incredible light shows

and sent the planets into orbit

and played around with tides and seasons 

and day and night.

And then God created the earth

with its mountains and valleys

its oceans and streams

its continents separated by vast seas and deserts

its forests and ice caps

and plains of fertile land.

And God enjoyed attending to detail - 

the bumps and the curves

the flow from one landscape to the next

the separation of water from land

and earth from sky.

And God loved that beautiful world and wanted to share it.

So God created animals

For the hills and the plains

for the sky and the sea

for above and below the earth.

Each with a place and, largely, a purpose.

And then, with a flourish, 

involving dust and breath,

God created human beings

who would care for all of creation

for all that God had made

and who would be co- workers with God 

in nurturing and sustaining creation.

God saw that it was good and delighted in all of creation.

As it was in the beginning, so it is now.

God delights in us.

Desiring nothing more than relationship 

Inviting us to be part of

the divine dance

The dance of Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer

God invites us to be caught up

in the mystery that is God...

Instead, we spend our time 

trying to unravel that mystery

We tie ourselves in knots

instead of enjoying the different kind of knowing

that is offered by God

We distance ourselves

rather than entering into relationship

We ponder how we can change the world

when God’s invitation is simply to dance....

In that dance we discover compassion

that moves us to care for creation.

In that dance we discover anger

that fuels us to root out injustice.

And, in that dance

we discover freedom

made up of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, 

Faithfulness, Gentleness, 

the fruits of God-control,

the elements of the dance

that sustain the world.

God’s laughter and delight 

and tears and compassion 

form the rhythm that draws us in

and sends us out 

to dance.

Angels today

A conversation (more of a monologue - no space was left for responding!) on the 13:00 train to Ayr

Everything changes

Coffee shops are now gin boutiques

Tea rooms are Prosecco bars

And the Italian’s on the corner

is now a wine bistro

Rail tickets are stored on plastic

that the machine reads with a tap

And there’s a piano player in the station.

The train windows don’ t open

The aircon is either too hot or too cold

And, the announcement “ We are now approaching...”

wakes you up before you miss your station.

Do you believe in angels?

(Without waiting for an answer)

Well, they’ve changed too

Mostly, they’re not scary

Although they might be dressed all in black

rather than in white

And they might have long hair, tattoos or piercing 

And sometimes they’re virtual

They appear as an email, a text message

or in a Facebook or twitter post

They’re visible when a stranger smiles

or when someone puts down their phone

long enough to have a conversation.

They show up when someone

notices you could do with a wee hand

Aye, everything changes 

but still

God sends angels.

Not far from the kingdom

Mark 12:32-34

Then the scribe said to him, “You are right, Teacher; you have truly said that ‘he is one, and besides him there is no other’; and ‘to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the strength,’ and ‘to love one’s neighbor as oneself,’—this is much more important than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” When Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” After that no one dared to ask him any question.

Not far from the kingdom

How often are these words preached

as words of rejection

rather than words of hope?

Not far from the kingdom

How often are they turned into 

words of condemnation

rather than words of encouragement?

Not far from the kingdom

How often is this interpreted

as missed opportunity

rather than glorious potential?

Not far from the kingdom

Words focusing not on my sinfulness

but on the amazing grace of God.

Not far from the kingdom

Today I choose

to hear these words

and to focus

not on the ways that  I disappoint

but on the ways that I bring joy

Not far from the kingdom

Today I choose 

to hear these words

as words of love

and to experience them

as light

as hope 

as blessing

Not far from the kingdom

A wonderful place to be!

Feed my sheep

John 21:15
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.”

When I’m too busy squabbling with the wolves and the goats

that I neglect the sheep you place in my path

Lord, forgive

When I’m consumed with chewing over words not said, hurts unacknowledged

Lord, forgive

When I’m choking on self righteousness

that blocks the way for compassion

Lord, forgive

When I’m too full of my own importance

to recognise the struggle of another

Lord, forgive

When I’m distracted by hopes and dreams

and fail to be open to this day’s gifts

Lord, forgive

Lord, you know that I love you

Help me to feed your lambs

Not with bread that is contaminated by my self absorption

spoiled by my lack of leaven 

but with the bread of life

that you give in abundance daily

In every day may I stay close enough to you

so that I can inhale the fragrance

of sweet,fresh bread,

still warm from the making.

May I feed on that

and share it with others.

Lord, you know that I love you...

The Temerity of God

How often does our writing - be it poems, prayers, sermons or reflections convict us. Especially when we think we have written them for another.  I’ve always been aware in my preaching practice that I’m speaking into the areas that are itching in my life, into the struggles that I own, into the places that I need to grow. If the words I use also speak into the struggle of others, especially those with whom I share community and faith, I am grateful. In parish ministry, this happened more often because I was engaged in listening and walking alongside folk and, together, we were able to articulate where we experienced God and what constituted good news for our community.

On other occasions the words that we offer to others arise from the unconscious or unacknowledged in ourselves and it may take some time before we become aware of that and have the opportunity of addressing it.

I’m not sure that I think out loud - perhaps I do. But I know that I process out loud, by writing.

It’s not the first time that my writing has caused offence - and on the whole I’ve been largely unapologetic about that. If my processing offends you, touching a nerve, exposing a wound, then perhaps you have some work of your own to do.

Recently, however, wanting to find a way of expressing concern for and appreciation of a friend, I penned some words that have, in fact, found their way back to me, confronting me, challenging me, mostly in a good way but I have been surprised by their incisiveness in revealing things of which I was blissfully unaware or perhaps skilfully denying - wounds buried deep, well scabbed over. And while that means I have some work to do, I can’t help smiling at the temerity of God, who never lets us off the hook but who will always find a way in, a way to breach whatever armour we have embraced. As the saying goes:”Be careful what you wish for!”

In the Spirit of God’s temerity I look forward to grasping hold of a thread and seeing what unravels or where it leads.

What is mine to do?

John 17:4
I glorified you on earth by finishing the work that you gave me to do.

Lord, what is mine to do?

And who will be my accomplices?

I want to glorify you

I want to do the work that you have given me

I want to be faithful, obedient,

and  - I want to know joy.

But, Lord,

What if discernment

takes me to somewhere I’d rather not go?

What if the work you reveal

means that I must conform

to expectations 

and navigate old territory

in which I feel subdued.

Lord, will you give me other outlets

where I can be fully me?

Will you show me those places

where I needn’t tread so carefully

and where I can find sustenance

for the work you need me to do?

Lord, I want to glorify you

and I want to be

fully alive in you.

I’m just not terribly convinced

that those desires

are wholly compatible.

Teach me, O Lord,

how to grow

how to delight

how to glorify you

in finishing the work

you give me to do.

There’s more

Acts 19:4
Paul said, “John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was to come after him, that is, in Jesus.”

More

There’s always more...

Perhaps a comfort

for our restlessness

Or a challenge

when we dare to settle for less

More

There’s always more...

Even as the disciples

took their heads out of the clouds

after Ascension

there was the promise of

The Holy Spirit

More

There’s always more...

What will that look like for us today?

Are we ready to confront it?

Or are we still too busy

licking the wounds of the past

to meet head on

the more

that is promised?

More 

There’s always more...