To get bogged down in minutiae. To be the butt of everyone's complaints and petty point scoring. To be caught up in yet another pathetic power struggle. I've had it. Enough's enough. Life's too short.
If folk can't see outside the box. If they are content with limited visibility and small minded games then perhaps I have to leave them to it.
There is I still believe a parallel universe out there where God is still at work. And where love is being shared, not just talked about as an interesting concept.
How long must I waste my talent, squander God's gifts when these are questioned and twisted and maligned at every turn? Maybe its time to shake the dust off my feet. Not through defeat - oh no. But something much more positive than that - survival.
And then, even as I ask: How long, O Lord, I feel a strange kinship with the psalmists and with the prophets who were called by God to return again and again, going against the grain with their message. A voice crying in the wilderness : Prepare the way. That sense of call still haunts me. I just don't know that I have the stamina to keep on picking myself up, dusting myself down and go on - even in the strength of God.
praying for you today Liz.
ReplyDeletetake care
It's horrible being so entangled in these kinds of disputes. Somehow people forget that you're a human being and feel the wounds every bit as much as they do; moreso when you're under additional pressure at Christmas.
ReplyDeleteI've paused to pray for you even now, as I write, Liz.
Give yourself some time to get through this tough spell before making any choices. Best make these big decisions from a position of strength rather than tiredness and vulnerability.
Maybe it's time to consider your calling to this particular place, but hang on to your overarching calling which is to serve Christ in ministry, for which you are clearly gifted.
Blessings
FBL
Guys, thank you so much. Your prayers and concern mean a lot. I'm trying hard to remember that Ignatian mandate: Never doubt in desolation what was revealed to you in consolation.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Liz
I'm sorry to read that you are in this tight oppressive place right now, Liz I recognize it and know the energy it saps. You are stronger than you know. Times like these help us re-evaluate and sometimes give us the momentum to move on when that's the thing to do, or stay and find a new solution.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you moments of clarity and the serenity that stems from faithful understanding.
You are not alone...
Cherie,
ReplyDeleteThanks - It makes a difference being able to share it