I'm still on the tack of wanting to start from someplace else. Its occupying my mind at the moment and creeping up in all sorts of ways. How can I unravel this journey so far and survive the road.
Today I spent time with a friend who has just been presented with an exciting new challenge and opportunity. Before she can launch herself in she has some tough decisions to make and some really difficult things to do. But, for her, that's OK. For her, its all just part and parcel of moving on.
How I wish I could have been as focussed and as clear of vision as she is instead of being seduced by the sense of calling. Its not that that's not important but it is a bit like love and presents a few blind spots. And now, having accepted the unacceptable for so long its difficult to find an exit. I convince myself that underpinning everything, there's still the overwhelming sense of call. But now I need to ask - Is that enough? And it feels really weird to even question that.
What I have learned, however, is that I cannot deny how it feels. I just have to sit with it for the time being and see if a way through becomes visible or if there's an alternative waiting just around the corner. I don't think that's defeatist - just pragmatic.
sometimes waiting is a really hard thing to do (i always fall prey to impetuousness). It sounds like waiting is the door you need to go through right now.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you in that space.
Oh, that is hard and painful...Lots of prayers as you wait in hope
ReplyDeletefb and kathryn - thanks so much for your compassion. Its good to feel the pain acknowledged and shared. And we're approaching that season of waiting and hope - so who knows?
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