John 20:24-25
Jesus and Thomas
But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
Where were you Thomas?
Were you the one elected to pick up supplies?
Or did you slip out, unobserved,
to try and catch the word on the street
to gauge whether it was safe to come out?
Or did you just need to get out of there for a while
Away from the noise
And the recriminations
The what-ifs and the should-haves
Away from the aural processors
To be alone with your grief and loss and regret
Alone with your dashed hopes
and self recrimination
You were right to doubt the story that greeted you on your return
You were right to assert your need
to see your risen Lord
to touch his wounded flesh
After all that had happened
you needed to see for yourself
There was no space in your grief for hope
You couldn’t afford to be that hurt again
No more living on second hand stories
No more metaphor and mystery
This was a time, if ever there was
for raw, messy, vulnerable reality
Nothing less would do.
I’m glad you doubted, Thomas
Glad, too, that you got your moment
to touch that wounded flesh
and to meet your risen Lord
To see and believe
To be able to proclaim
MY Lord and MY God.
May I be as honest in my doubting
As clear about my need
And know transformation in the wounds of Christ today.
(Liz Crumlish 2022)
