To get bogged down in minutiae. To be the butt of everyone's complaints and petty point scoring. To be caught up in yet another pathetic power struggle. I've had it. Enough's enough. Life's too short.
If folk can't see outside the box. If they are content with limited visibility and small minded games then perhaps I have to leave them to it.
There is I still believe a parallel universe out there where God is still at work. And where love is being shared, not just talked about as an interesting concept.
How long must I waste my talent, squander God's gifts when these are questioned and twisted and maligned at every turn? Maybe its time to shake the dust off my feet. Not through defeat - oh no. But something much more positive than that - survival.
And then, even as I ask: How long, O Lord, I feel a strange kinship with the psalmists and with the prophets who were called by God to return again and again, going against the grain with their message. A voice crying in the wilderness : Prepare the way. That sense of call still haunts me. I just don't know that I have the stamina to keep on picking myself up, dusting myself down and go on - even in the strength of God.